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**** A truncated transcript follows. A full transcript can be found at https://www.marblejar.net/blog/2017/12/12/how-to-make-people-like-you-summary-of-the-like-switch-part-1 . ****
Hello everyone! This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video I'm going to give you a quick summary of a book I just read called The Like Switch by Jack Schafer. I've boiled down many of his arguments into basic formulas and tactics for getting people to like you. This is the first of two parts.
I just read this book called The Like Switch: An FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People. It is written by Jack Schafer, who, as noted, was an FBI counterintelligence agent and psychologist. He developed all these strategies to convince people to do things, like spy on their own country or confess to crimes. His point is that if you can get someone to like you, they are MUCH more likely to do what you want them to do. As the saying goes, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
It's a pretty manipulative premise, but I think you can use a lot of these techniques to good effect – simply making people like you as your own goal. These techniques can be useful to everyone, but it seems to me that the group of people who might be interested in this are teenagers.
Today, most teenagers are told by their parents or an adult that if you want someone to love you, you just have to be yourself! And they instinctively know it's bullshit. Just being in middle school or high school – being yourself with all your quirks and idiosyncrasies – can be a real handicap. Unless, of course, you're inherently likeable and all these social techniques come completely naturally to you – in which case you wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place.
The great thing about this book is that it boils down to being likable into a few easy-to-understand, easy-to-implement formulas and tactics. In this first part, I will cover:
* The Friendship formula
* Friend Signals
* Enemy (or enemy) signals
First, the friendship formula. Here is the formula:
* Friendship Frequency Proximity Duration Intensity
Basically, this means that the more often and longer you hang out with someone you're interested in, the more likely you are to become friends. So, just think about any of your friendships and, chances are, this formula probably works – at least it did at the beginning of that friendship.
*Frequency is how often you see someone
* Proximity is your physical proximity to them
* Duration is the length of time you spend together and
*Intensity is basically how interested you are in each other. It could be shared interests or another type of intensity like curiosity or attraction.
If you are an FBI agent trying to convince a foreign asset to spy on their country, you can use each element of this formula to create a relationship with that asset. To be honest, from a female perspective, artificially following this formula for making friends seems a bit nagging, so I'm not going to dwell on it too much. All I can say is that if you naturally spend more time and more frequently with someone you like, you will probably become friends. Now let's talk about
Friend Signals
Here are some very simple tips you can follow to let others know that you are a friend and not an enemy. Almost all of us have at least one friend who always seems distant, crazy, or bitchy, right? She may not even realize she is giving off these signals. Here's how to avoid this. Do
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