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**** A truncated transcript follows. A full transcript can be found at https://www.marblejar.net/blog/2017/12/12/how-to-make-people-like-you-summary-of-the-like-switch-part-2 . ****
Hello everyone! This is Lara Hammock from the Marble Jar channel and in today's video I'm going to give you a summary of a book I just read called The Like Switch by Jack Schafer. I've boiled down many of his arguments into basic formulas and tactics for getting people to like you. This is the second of two parts.
In the first video, I talked about Schafer's tenure at the FBI, where he trained agents in the friendship formula and friend-or-foe signals. Next, let's talk about reading
Body language
It's helpful to be able to read a person's body language to determine whether they are happy with you or not. To do this, you need to practice by watching others interact. You can tell when people are getting along because they do the following things: they smile, use expressive (not aggressive) gestures, lean close to each other, women tend to flip their hair, they mirror the behavior and posture of the other, they nod their heads. agreement, they have an open position (without crossed arms) and clear the space between them. People who cannot get along use a closed posture, such as crossing their arms, put barriers between them such as a cup, purse or phone, either close their eyes longer than normal, or blink rapidly eyes, which indicates anxiety, they do. not a mirror posture, and they tend to move away from each other.
This is not only interesting to observe in others, it is also useful to know how people react to you. And to make sure you're not sending the wrong signals.
The golden rule of friendship
The golden rule of friendship is that if you want someone to like you, make them feel good about themselves. There are many ways to do this, but according to Schafer, the best way is through active empathy. Basically, get them to talk about themselves using empathetic statements that begin with the words: “So you seem. . .” Here's an example: You see someone at the bus stop and they search furiously in their backpack. An empathetic statement might be, “So, you seem pretty stressed. Is everything okay?" You keep using empathetic statements during their story to get them to talk longer. The more they talk about themselves (strangely), the more they will like you. I basically think this is true when you build a friendship; however, be wary of the long-time friend who never asks about you. This kind of one-sided relationship can become tiring.
An important point Schafer makes is that, and this is my phrasing and not his, when it comes to friendship, it's better to be nice than fair. Don't make people feel or look stupid, or they'll blame you. Don't correct people in public, don't win an argument at the expense of someone else's pride. This goes for friends, authority figures – anyone in fact. Give people a way to save face if they're wrong. One way to do this is, instead of challenging them, to come back to this issue and ask for their opinion. Afterwards,
Conversational body language
Honestly, these tips amount to mind reading. While you're talking with someone, you can pay attention to their body language to get a sense of what the other person is thinking. Believe it or not, this all has to do with watching their mouths. . .
**** Read a full transcript at www.marblejar.net. ****
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