I'm not proud of everything I say, but it's what I have in mind. Even irrational and selfish thoughts.
iTunes: https://goo.gl/O5zgOQ Band Camp: https://goo.gl/RWWVXn
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Music: http://boyinaband.bandcamp.com
Director:
M.Z.
Camera team:
Rachel Hutchings
Ciaran O'Brien
Mix:
Jonathan Schnitzspan –
https://www.youtube.com/c/ForTiorIJohnny
https://www.facebook.com/ForTiorI.de
Lyrics:
I am not dead
I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet
I'm tired of saying that I still haven't done anything
I hate telling my friends I'm trying something just to give up on it
I'm still not sure of my emotional state
I still can't concentrate lately
I don't want to create
I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation
I don't think I've ever done anything as good as I'm capable of doing it
I hate not having a reason to be my best
I only take care of myself for the purpose of showing the Internet
If what made me succeed was a feeling of imposed stress, then
I'm so glad I hated myself
I had no luck in this position
I struggle with decisions
I wouldn't be my own friend, I'm too inconsistent
without immense pressure, nothing is ever finished
If these words reach your ears, it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm lucky to know more good people than most
I wish I had more friends that I could be physically close to
I'm pretty good at 20 different skills
At the cost of never being great at any of them
I wish this beat hit harder
I wish more rhyming syllables
I know 99% of people really don't care
I think collaborating forced me to finish things because
I was terrified of wasting famous people's time
I would like to be able to focus on what I set as a priority
I wish I was as grateful as I want to be
I wish I knew more mentally stable people
But if I did, I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled.
I feel lonely
I know I'm not
I talked to a lot of people. Lately I stopped
They didn't deserve it, I was a terrible friend.
I couldn't bear to be bored with them
I don't let myself hope. I like people who do it.
Ah, I never know if what I say is the truth
I wish I hadn't instinctively tried to be less precise
So that more people can relate when they read the lyrics
I can be happy in the moment
I'm not when I think
I distract myself by playing, waiting to improve
I hate that
I want to do the most good and avoid the most harm
But first I have to put on my own oxygen mask
I can't predict what I will do. I can never be sure
I'm still afraid to make promises
I can't cope with my work, I feel sick because of this word
I sincerely believe that I am capable of changing the world
I always think I can improve
I still think I can create and enjoy it
I will continue to aim to bring my emotion and logic into agreement
And become the best version of me
I don't want to stop
Thanks to my patrons:
Lance Thackeray, Jarrod Kailef, Adam Calladine, Caitlin Brown, Lady Mandy, Claire H, Lee Flores, Johnny Baird, Luis Ugalde, Bryan Lake, Sarah, Oscar, Jamie Cox, Beth Stauffer, Will Fussell, Thomas Lloyd, Leonita Gaspard, Benjamin Behrens, Sergery Khegay, Blake Nye, Garrett Taggart, Pi Fisher, Sam Baker, Janine Myers, Michelle Paulman, BitFaze, Michael Everson, Kieran Rice, James Russin, Andrew Bower, Luke Bunnett, Katlyn Palmer, Jay Logan, Ofer Mustigman, Nash .
You can become a patron here if you want or you can just look at the list of things out of curiosity or you can just don't do any of those things, it's your life, maybe go hiking, that's a good cardio source: https://www.patreon.com/boyinaband
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