My guest today argues that these kinds of errors in relational decision-making occur when someone lets their heart rule without considering their head. His name is John Van Epp, he is a therapist and author of the book How to Avoid Falling in Love with an Asshole. We begin our conversation by discussing what society's default model for creating a successful relationship looks like and how it leads people astray. John then defines what makes a jerk, a jerk, and the signs that you're dating a jerk. He then explains why people so often miss these signs, using a model for how attachment develops in a relationship; I think this model is very useful for understanding relationship dynamics and you don't want to miss it. We then discuss why men need to do a better job of helping to pace relationships, instead of just letting women set the tempo. We end our conversation by discussing the things you need to know about someone you're establishing a relationship with, including their people skills, family life, and values, before you step up your commitment to them.
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